In our neck of the woods (woods have necks?), we have had the proverbial 40 days and 40 nights of rain -- with a brief intermission for the 4th of July weekend, much appreciated.

In consequence, we got slugs.

(With apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein's "We ain't got dames:") 

There are slugs eating our garden, there are slugs around our rose, there are slugs sliming our fingers, there are slugs staining our toes, there are slugs on the composter -- that makes composting fun -- what ain't we got?  We ain't got sun!

I have nothing against slugs, qua slugs, but I do take exception to their diet of flowering plants.

So what is a dedicated, environmentally oriented gardener to do?  Well, my first reaction was to put out aluminum take-out containers containing a slug-quality beer.  The little critters are attracted to beer (duh), crawl in and die from alcohol poisoning.  (This is also known to work with college students -- also using only slug-quality beer.)

The dog drank it.

I then upturned latticework-like plastic plant trays over the beer trays and secured them with a heavy rock.

Booze-hound Golden Retrievers are not deterred by digging challenges.

Then, like many gardeners seeking revenge, I asked, "Can I eat slugs?"  After extensive research on the internet, a known source of utterly reliable information on just about anything, I discovered the conclusion among entomophages was a conclusive "maybe."  Or, "Perhaps, but why would you?"  Or, "Yes, but we don't know if you would die afterward."  Most writers took refuge in quoting others.

"Certainly not raw" was the consensus.  I then took up the search for a good recipe.  This being summer (supposedly) I particularly wanted a barbecue recipe.  Discovering that noted author, slug maven and entomophage David George Gordon (apparently named after me and two of my cousins) had published a Field Guide to the Slug, I contacted him at davidgeorgegordon.com for a quote. Below is his response:

Can’t say I’ve ever tried eating a slug.  Since I’ve kept them as pets, it would be a little like eating one’s parakeet.

 

Here’s what the famous foodie, M.F.K. Fisher had to say about this:

 

“I have eaten several strange things since I was twelve, and I shall be glad to taste broiled locusts and swallow a live fish.  But unless I change very much, I shall never be able to eat a slug.  My stomach jumps alarmingly at the thought of it.”

 

Keep in mind, though, that Fisher once boasted of eating so many snails ( while living in Dijon, France)  that she was dizzy for two days.

 

So there you go -- the conclusive answer is: keep them as pets.  Here is a picture of David with a tray of his bugged canapes (probably at a CIA reception).  Note they use bugs, not slugs.  (Slugs are served at Mafia receptions, perhaps.)

David George Gordon Chowing Down on Bug Canapes (used with permission)